Have You Looked at Yourself Before Getting Angry at Others?

Have You Looked at Yourself Before Getting Angry at Others?

In our daily interactions, it is natural to feel frustrated by the shortcomings of others. A colleague who is always late, a friend who cancels plans last minute, or a family member who never listens—these imperfections often become sources of irritation. However, before reacting with anger, have you ever taken a moment to reflect on your own flaws?

The Mirror Effect: Recognising Our Own Shortcomings

Human nature tends to focus outwardly, noticing the faults in others more quickly than recognising our own. This is often called the "mirror effect," where what bothers us about others may actually be a reflection of something within us. For example, if you get annoyed by someone’s impatience, have you considered whether you also struggle with patience? If someone’s arrogance irritates you, could it be that you also have moments of pride?

By shifting our focus inward, we develop self-awareness, a key trait of emotional intelligence. Instead of blaming others, self-reflection helps us understand that no one is perfect, including ourselves.

Why Do We Judge Others Harshly?

Several psychological factors contribute to our tendency to judge others while overlooking our own faults:

The Fundamental Attribution Error – We often attribute other people's mistakes to their personality (e.g., “He’s always irresponsible”) while justifying our own with circumstances (e.g., “I was late because of traffic”).

Ego Protection – Pointing out flaws in others sometimes makes us feel superior and boosts our self-image.

Emotional Triggers – People’s behaviors that trigger anger may subconsciously remind us of our own past mistakes or insecurities.

Understanding these biases allows us to react with more compassion and understanding rather than immediate judgment.

The Power of Self-Reflection

Before reacting angrily to someone’s flaws, consider these self-reflection techniques:

1. Pause and Observe Your Emotions

Before responding, take a deep breath and analyze why you are feeling angry. Is it truly about the other person, or does it connect to something deeper within you?

2. Put Yourself in Their Shoes

What circumstances might have led them to act this way? Would you expect the same level of perfection from yourself?

3. Acknowledge Your Own Imperfections

Think of times when you made mistakes or exhibited behaviours that could frustrate others. How would you like others to react to you?

4. Shift from Judgment to Understanding

Instead of labeling someone as “incompetent” or “annoying,” try to understand their struggles. Maybe they are dealing with stress, personal challenges, or past trauma.

5. Use This as a Growth Opportunity

Every time you feel irritated by someone’s flaws, take it as an opportunity to practice patience, empathy, and self-awareness.

Take aways:Choose Kindness Over Judgment

The next time you feel the urge to criticize or get angry at someone’s imperfections, pause and reflect. Are you expecting perfection from others while excusing your own shortcomings? True growth comes from self-awareness, humility, and understanding. When we learn to reflect on ourselves first, we cultivate stronger relationships, inner peace, and a more compassionate world.

After all, as the saying goes, “We judge others by their actions, but ourselves by our intentions.” Let’s strive to be as forgiving to others as we are to ourselves.

Dr Mohite Mentoring 

www.drmohitementoring.com